Nearing the End (China Part 6)

So the deal was that I was supposed to go on this trip across China to appreciate its academic and cultural aspects. But let’s be real. I basically spent the month partying with bunch of internationals.

Upon arriving in Xi’an, we had the choice to split into different groups and see the places that interested us. Being interested in healthcare, I figured I’d check out one of their hospitals and actually learn something. The next morning we hopped on a “Welcome to take the traveling bus” bus and prepared for a 40-minute ride towards the fringes of the city. As per usual, there were more guides than there were buses, so we sat around for a while waiting for them to come to an agreement. A well dressed woman no older than 25 finally hopped aboard, and from what I understood her name roughly translated to “Slow Birch Tree". It turned out she knew nothing about hospitals, so she spent the entire time regaling us with stories about bike riding.

I’m glad they got us a bus that was travel enabled.

I was told that the hospital in question served several thousand people, so naturally I expected to see something fairly large. I envisioned many people sitting in a waiting room to be seen by a vast number of newly trained medical school graduates. I assumed that the hospital would be a bit old, but full of new technology bought from a growing supply of Chinese money.

Yeah. Right.

Apparently waiting rooms weren’t even part of the floor plan… all two stories of it. I’m not even sure you could say the hospital had two floors since the only thing on the second floor was an excessively large office/shrine. The room had a very long table made to accommodate about 12 people, which was a perfect fit for our small group and our guiding doctor to hold a small Q&A session. It turned out he was the ONLY doctor, that no one actually used the room, and that the large communist flag and Mao portrait on the walls came courtesy with the hospital.

HEALHT SERVICE.

Fortunately, the lone doctor didn’t appear to have much on the books that day. Out in the main hallway (remember, no waiting room) were three adults and two “baby-no-pants”. The latter was our coined term for the established fashion of Xi’an toddlers – the ones who wore a white Hanes t-shirt, some Crocs (usually red), and the breeze between their legs. We saw more toddlers sporting this look than not, so it was only natural that we develop some sort of name for the fashion. Regardless, the five people looked content to wait while us “big potatoes”, as Slow Birch Tree called us, continued our tour through the hospital.

The hospital was so self sufficient as to have its own storage facility for hazardous waste. They just needed to make the warning sign a little larger so people didn’t mistake it for an outhouse.

Does a number 2 count?

But alas, we Americans waste absurd amounts of money paying “specialist” companies to service our hospitals, so who were we to complain? The Chinese had efficiency down to an art. That said, there is a line when it comes to sacrificing luxury for savings, and they definitely crossed it down at the pharmacy (just 5 paces from the surgery room). Apparently having something synthesized from porcupines was far too much trouble; it was simpler just to take a whole dead porcupine home with you. While I’m sure there was nothing wrong with them and they were thoroughly bathed before ending up in the pharmacy, there’s just something about a dead porcupine that makes me not want to put it in my mouth.

Now obviously I’m being a bit harsh on what is still a developing country, but then again I can’t help but reflect on the most startling differences between Chinese and American healthcare. The Chinese definitely lack a lot of refinement in their services, but they also found some solutions to problems we can’t seem to get rid of. For instance, if you want to reduce the ridiculous number of people visiting American hospitals for minor issues, make the hospital so unaccommodating that only three adults and two baby-no-pants decide to rough it out on any given day. You want to cut down on prescription drug costs? Pair up with community animal shelters and offer the cure wholesale.

At least they don’t give you the whole dog when they prescribe a dog bladder.

I’m sure some of you might tell me to visit the coastal cities and marvel in the progress they’ve made, but I’ll turn around and tell you to take a small walk in any direction from your popular tourist traps.  You’ll find yourself back at the Xi’an hospital – just maybe without the dried blood on the floor. That said, I'm not sure why you would want to visit places that look like America anyway. Follow my advice, and bravely wander from all the shiny buildings. My only request is that you take pictures; you wouldn’t want to forget the coolest parts of China.

 

Had to be sure you were getting the real thing.